


It Is You (I Have Loved)

by WritingBarnes



Series: Shoebox [1]
Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Civil War, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Canon Compliant, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Natasha Needs a Hug, POV Natasha Romanov, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Civil War (Marvel), Romance, Romanorogers, Stucky - Freeform, Threesome - F/M/M, wintershield - Freeform, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:54:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5321225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingBarnes/pseuds/WritingBarnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six wishes Natasha Romanoff made in the past year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Is You (I Have Loved)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at Natasha/Bucky/Steve (polyamorous relationship) fic. Let me know what you think! :)

Natasha Romanoff spent most of her life being confident with every single action she did. Red Room trained her to be a ruthless assassin while the Avengers helped her feel more humane. She still struggled with that concept. Humanity. She was no human. She was. Steve told her she was not a monster and that she always has a choice. Did she really? She has lost everything and now she’s losing her best friend. She couldn’t do anything. Her hands are tied, or so they say.

 

_Natasha Romanoff wished she wasn’t lost._

 

She spent the last few weeks trying to reason with herself, trying to tell herself that she was making the right choice. Did she really? She tried to push away the thoughts of her Steve and James. She was the Black Widow. Love was for children. She wondered how many times should she repeat the words until she finally stopped thinking about Steve and James? Tony gave her a look and she understood what he meant. She would never tell him that she prayed Steve wouldn’t ask her to leave with her. She would gladly leave and she knew she couldn’t do that.

 

_Natasha Romanoff wished she wasn’t this weak._

 

Emotions. Feelings. It made her feel weak. It made her vulnerable. Her love affair with James during her Red Room years cost them their memories. Memories they tried so hard to keep to help them cope. She couldn’t afford to lose whatever it is she has. A sliver of memory of her and James when they were younger, a vivid memory of Steve kissing her, and their soft caress on her skin. She couldn’t lose it. She needed it to keep herself sane. She needed it to survive.

 

“Kill him if necessary.” The words froze her. Tony gave him another look. _You need to choose._ She couldn’t choose. They would use her as leverage. They would kill her now and used her to get to them. Her grip on the armchair tightened and she forced herself not to lose control. Her face void of any emotions as she stared Tony down.

 

_Natasha Romanoff wished she could see them again._

 

“Please. You’re making it worse.” She begged Steve. She knew he wouldn’t listen to her. She has given up on her plan a few minutes ago. She just needed to hear his voice. He sounded angry and she winced a little when he replied with so much intensity in his voice.

 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered before she ended the call. Her eyes caught a blur of movement and she quickly chased after him. It was James. She knew the way he moved and she was sure it was her James. He stopped in front of the intersection. She stood up straighter and gave him what she thinks is a smile. But he knew. He always knew. A ghost of smile flashed across his face as he closed the distance between them. He gently cupped her face with his hands and leaned in to kiss her forehead.

 

“Myshka.” He murmured before he left.

 

_Natasha Romanoff wished she could leave._

 

But she couldn’t. They threatened her and made sure to hurt them if she ever left. She was exhausted. Why couldn’t she go back to three months ago, where she could still go back to Steve and James? Where home is with her two men. It still is, she thought. She just couldn’t go back home now.

 

_Natasha Romanoff wished they would understand her._

 

The explosion made her choose. She pushed James away and shot the other agents. She grabbed his hand and told him to follow her, Steve trailing behind them. They locked eyes for a millisecond before they had to duck from the raining bullets. She found them a hiding place. Her breathing ragged and she tried not to look into their eyes.

 

“Why?” Steve sounded so broken and Natasha’s lips trembled.

 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. She seemed to be saying the same words over and over again this past couple of days, she thought. She finally gathered enough courage to look up and felt her chest tightened. They were looking at her with so much love in their eyes and she felt tears brimming in her eyes as they closed the distance between them.

 

Steve took her hand first, his tiny smile let her know that she was forgiven and that they understood. Bucky pulled her into a hug and kissed her hard. She was left breathless when he pulled away. Steve took her into his arms and dipped down to kiss her. It was gentler but no less passionate.

 

“Let’s go home.” He whispered.

 

“I missed you.” She admitted when they finally reached a safehouse.

 

_Natasha Romanoff wished those people would leave them alone._

 

She let out a string of curse in Russian. James and Steve chortled behind her as they ducked from another shot. She took out her glock and shot down the agents. She leapt up to the second floor to tackle another agent while Steve swung his shield towards the rest of them. James used his left arm to great use, punching his way through the agents.

 

They finally got out an hour later. Natasha was the first one to crack. She let out a shrill laugh and tipped her head back. James watched her with fond eyes, his hand never leaving hers. Steve sat on her other side and he laughed until he cried. They were delirious and they didn’t care. They took whatever happiness they could get.

 

Natasha was never sure of her future but she was positive she belonged with Steve and James just like they belong to her and to each other.


End file.
